How To Develop A Positive Relationship With His Ex-Wife
I have combed through a lot of information from the professionals to the enthusiasts to find out what I can about the relationships between the new wife and ex-wife. My goal was to figure out what elements help you create a positive relationship with the ex.
What I’ve found is that, although step-mothering has been around for a long time, (we remember the wicked stepmother in more than a few of our favorite Disney fairytales) research conducted in our field is sparse. What is prevalent are personal stories and experiences from both sides of the coin. And the stories all range between intense crazy feuds to idyllic relationships.
After reviewing as much information as I could about this topic, I’ve created a list of helpful tips to creating a realistic relationship with his ex-wife.
Extending a little compassion goes a long way.
Being compassionate towards yourself and your feelings about the challenges and insecurities you face will help expand your compassion towards her. After all, if peace is your ultimate goal, letting down your walls will help.
Both of you struggle with the arrangement and dynamics of the blended family.
Let’s face it, on some level each of you are struggling with the different parts of being in a blended family together. Whether it’s her feeling threatened or constantly comparing herself to you, or vice-versa. Either way, the two of you are having to deal with the struggles. Rather than fuel the fire, start with acknowledging the struggle and begin to obtain healing about these things.
What if she doesn’t like me.
This is a reality. Sometimes ex-wives don’t come around and they can’t bring themselves to put differences aside for the sake of the children. They will insist on creating a power struggle or making diversions to ruin your family’s visitations with the children or even make the children act poorly towards you. It will be important to make peace that she is in that place. This does not mean you must endure the abuse. What it means is that once you understand that she is in that place, you have the power and control to decide how you will manage her actions as they come.
Sticking to the basics will get you success.
You love your husband. You love his kids. Stick to that. There will be times you get a curveball- acknowledge you did and get back to loving your husband and the kids. There will be things and events that will test your love for your husband and his children and they can derail you badly. Your perseverance will be your key to winning and coming out above.
